So I was cleaning up my inbox today, when I noticed I had a file called "Gotta Save" that I started way back in the day. I decided it'd be funny to see what I thought was important back in the day (I haven't saved anything to it in years...) and I'm so glad I did.
It was full of e-mails from Tori J, the love of my life. She sent me the sweetest e-mails when I was down in high school, after heartbreaks, or childish fights with friends, lots of cute ones full of lyrics and sweet things to show me she cared. Melted my heart all over again.
So Tori J Wilcox, this one goes out to you...because you're the sunshine in my life, one of the best people I know, and not just my winter sanity, but my year-round sanity :) Love you!
Saturday, December 19, 2009
Monday, December 14, 2009
Jealousy.
Jealousy is called the green monster...and a monster, it is. It's been a problem of mine, possibly tied in with trust. I don't know why, or where it come from, or if it's even rational to think certain things that I do. All I know, is that it can ruin a relationship. And it did. And only now can I see how much it really effects things...and hope to advocate for how detrimental it can be to a relationship.
After being in a relationship for 4 years, I lost it all last night. Every bit of it. All communication, gone. Because of jealousy. Because I can't handle my own emotions and my feelings, and can't justify where they even come from. Maybe seeing a disgusting history of affairs in my family makes me self-conscious about the reality it could be happening to me. Maybe it's the little things he did that seemed like a big deal to me, but maybe weren't. Whatever it was, it's over. And at probably the worst time.
I'm done school today for the holidays. At 10 o'clock I'll be handing in all my final papers, and then I'm free till January 4th. I've been looking forward to this for weeks and weeks, and now that it's here... I don't want it. I want to be busy with school to take my mind off this. At least friends will be around, and Tori is coming home. But for now... my head is a mess. My heart is in pieces. And my eyes are stinging.
Blah. Happy holidays. Bah-humbug.
After being in a relationship for 4 years, I lost it all last night. Every bit of it. All communication, gone. Because of jealousy. Because I can't handle my own emotions and my feelings, and can't justify where they even come from. Maybe seeing a disgusting history of affairs in my family makes me self-conscious about the reality it could be happening to me. Maybe it's the little things he did that seemed like a big deal to me, but maybe weren't. Whatever it was, it's over. And at probably the worst time.
I'm done school today for the holidays. At 10 o'clock I'll be handing in all my final papers, and then I'm free till January 4th. I've been looking forward to this for weeks and weeks, and now that it's here... I don't want it. I want to be busy with school to take my mind off this. At least friends will be around, and Tori is coming home. But for now... my head is a mess. My heart is in pieces. And my eyes are stinging.
Blah. Happy holidays. Bah-humbug.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)
