Memories....

So I was cleaning up my inbox today, when I noticed I had a file called "Gotta Save" that I started way back in the day. I decided it'd be funny to see what I thought was important back in the day (I haven't saved anything to it in years...) and I'm so glad I did.

It was full of e-mails from Tori J, the love of my life. She sent me the sweetest e-mails when I was down in high school, after heartbreaks, or childish fights with friends, lots of cute ones full of lyrics and sweet things to show me she cared. Melted my heart all over again.

So Tori J Wilcox, this one goes out to you...because you're the sunshine in my life, one of the best people I know, and not just my winter sanity, but my year-round sanity :) Love you!

Jealousy.

Jealousy is called the green monster...and a monster, it is. It's been a problem of mine, possibly tied in with trust. I don't know why, or where it come from, or if it's even rational to think certain things that I do. All I know, is that it can ruin a relationship. And it did. And only now can I see how much it really effects things...and hope to advocate for how detrimental it can be to a relationship.

After being in a relationship for 4 years, I lost it all last night. Every bit of it. All communication, gone. Because of jealousy. Because I can't handle my own emotions and my feelings, and can't justify where they even come from. Maybe seeing a disgusting history of affairs in my family makes me self-conscious about the reality it could be happening to me. Maybe it's the little things he did that seemed like a big deal to me, but maybe weren't. Whatever it was, it's over. And at probably the worst time.

I'm done school today for the holidays. At 10 o'clock I'll be handing in all my final papers, and then I'm free till January 4th. I've been looking forward to this for weeks and weeks, and now that it's here... I don't want it. I want to be busy with school to take my mind off this. At least friends will be around, and Tori is coming home. But for now... my head is a mess. My heart is in pieces. And my eyes are stinging.

Blah. Happy holidays. Bah-humbug.

Morning off, mmm...

This is for Toriiiii heh say hello to your nephew Duey!

The concept of having time off for a university student is a little ridiculous, but I like to pretend it makes a great impact either way. I live for Monday mornings where I don't have to get up early because I don't start class till 1:30. The other four days I start at either 8:30 or 9:30 and typically live at school those days so Mondays are great. The only downfall is Monday morning is my only time to get stuff done so I really don't get to sleep in because I have laundry up to my ears and assignments to write and blogs to update? Heh.



Everything's still great. Doing really well these days. A lot of progression. Today I should find out where my placement is finally. I hope. Most people that found out so far are being sent out of town so I hope to God I'm not also.



Hmm...there really isn't much to talk about when you spend your week living in the library and your weekend drinking wine and playing video games haha. Gotta love life :)

Smooth sailin'

Hey ya'll.

Been a while again I know. I just never think about writing in this thing because any spare moments are spent trying to catch up on sleep or relaxing.

School's been nutsssss lately. So many exams and presentations and papers due. I'm done all my exams for the year now thank God. We don't have finals so I'm pretty excited about that...just lots of papers and presentations but those are easier than exams any day. Things have been going pretty well and I've been doing well (Except one exam...but EVERYBODY said they think they failed it so i'm sure a bell curve will be necessary).

I start the Kings Ambassador thing soon, we had a meeting yesterday and I'm pretty stoked about it. It'll be nice going back to South and talking to the kids about my program and about the school in general and answering their questions. Heh. I remember being in grade eleven and twelve thinking about university and being so nervous about it...so it'll be nice to reassure them that it's honestly an awesome place to be. This year has really been life-changing for me. The people I've met, the things I've learned about myself.

I'm so glad I stuck it out and came to school this year. I almost took a year off but i'm so glad I didn't. This program is just me. It just feels right. I'm in love with it. It's so much work and so draining living in the library like 30 hours a week but it feels so rewarding when things get accomplished and I get those marks back. I started tutoring a girl too and that is going great and even though I don't get paid for it, it's still rewardingto see her grasp the concepts and do well.

Really exciting times. Still. I feel like every day is a new experience and I feel like myself finally. I'm figuring things out and resolving issues within myself I never knew existed. It's an amazing process and I'm so stoked on life.

Love love love. That's all I can say.

Just for Tori J.

My two boys: Duey and Donnie

A.k.a. Papa D and Due-meister

Who needs babies when you can have kitties?

I love my boys. And apparently they love each other :)

My mind is mush

So...I have an exam tomorrow, and my brains spent all weekend recovering from last week's exams/papers and I totally can't get into studying. I think I'll just major cram sesh it tomorrow till 1:00. Hmph.

On the other hand, this weekend was pretty sweet. Friday I spent the night drinking wine (FINALLY starting to somewhat enjoy it...its taken forever to be able to tolerate it), watching some good movies (Blue Crush, GoodWill Hunting, I am Legend) and playing video games haha. Saturday I got the Sisters to play Wii, so life is finally complete. Followed by a late night of talking and trying to figure life out.

Today's quite possibly one of the nicest fall days i've seen in a while. So beautiful out. I spent two hours just driving around London reminiscing old times. I'm realizing a lot about the people in my life right now, and its very difficult but a positive shift at the same time. I love a lot of the people I have around me, and there are a few who really just drag me down.

The joys of learning about therapy every day :) hah.

Eat, read, study, repeat

Back in the day Copeland released an album called Eat, Sleep, Repeat. Or something like that. Kind of feels like this past week for me. I was standing in line for coffee this morning with my friend Tara and we both looked at each other and said... where did this week go? It was so busy from even before the sun came up till the streets were dead at midnight that I can't really recall where time went. It's all a blur. I've literally spent like...over 30 hours at school the past 3 days. It's crazy, but I made it and actually feel really good about what I accomplished.

I'm slowly learning a lot of really cool things about myself. At school I kinda just keep my head down and push through but apparently I'm noticed more than I think I am. I was recently approached by my stats prof (who I thought never learned my name in 8 months together) and she asked if I could tutor a student (for pay, btw) in her current stats course because i was an "exceptional student and hard worker" last year in her course. Pretty amazing! And then tonight I check my email and the university emailed me asking to be a King's Ambassador! So basically, they to send me to my old highschool and maybe a couple other schools to promote my Social Work program and give presentations to kids to show them what the program's like and basically try to lure them to Kings. Pretty neat.

I just feel really proud of myself these days. I'm doing really well in a really tough program. I also learned this week that Social Work is known for being the heaviest workload of any program at Kings and is known around school as being "the" program...although apparently people think we're stuck up? I love my classmates. They're all solid, genuine people. I couldnt be happier. I've made a couple friends this year that I'm so glad I met and they are amazing parts of my life now. So life is good. I even think I aced a midterm today. I hope.

I'm awful at updating this thing...

Yikes. Time flies. It feels like a day or two since I wrote last but its been a few weeks apparently...where does the time go? I can't believe I'm 21 already, and that i'm already in my sixth week of class. It's crazy. Due dates coming up here, there and everywhere.

But this weekend is all about friends and family, so school can sit on the back burner (except for when I'm at work..like right now). My Tori's home, my brother's home, and my other brother is leaving for Europe in couple days. So all I'm doing this weekend is sucking in as much of the three of them as I can, because it's not every day I get to see them and they are the ones dearest to me.

Updates on life...school is good, friends are great, and overall doing really well. Had a great birthday thanks to my mom (and my brothers and I are celebratin this weekend), and Val's family threw me a lovely birthday dinner because my family was out of town for my birthday. I love the Colquhouns. Paula got me a cake and tiara and even a card signed by the cat that I adore. Life is swell.

I'm thankful for a lot of things this year. My family and friends are probably the best people you could find.

Almost 21.

So I haven't updated lately and here's why...

First, I caught a wicked, wicked virus. I was super sick for almost two weeks. Coughing, sore throat, fever, chills...you name it, I had it. Missed a few classes, but luckily my classmates rule and caught me up pretty quick.

Secondly, school is kicking my buttocks. I love it, the material and people I've met...but the workload is intense. And I mean seriously intense. You should see my calendar for October. Pretty crazy. Unfortunately most assignment due dates are decided by drawing dates...and lucky me, I drew every October due date possible. But on the positive side, November and December won't be too busy which is perfect as I have 5 final papers due within a 24 hour period.

So in conclusion, life is swell. On Sunday I turn 21. And I already know I'm getting my favourite painting that I've always wanted...so I really can't complain. Next weekend brings family, good food and my darling Tori Wilcox comes home. I'm so excited I can hardly hold it in! I miss my little bundle of sunshine..especially when London is full of cold, dreary rain.

Social Work kicks

Reasons why Social Work kicks most program's behinds...

• We don't tend to get 3 hours of boring, long lecture...we discuss ideas together and expand on what we like/dislike about certain topics.
• We talk about real world issues and real world solutions
• We get more free food than your program probably ever will (seriously, free coffee/tea and munchies every Friday)
• We get multiple Orientations (again, more food), even though we're in third year.
• Instead of studying in libraries, we take social action and join city events like the Take Back the Night rally, a Mexico trip to help others, etc.
• The program isn't about competition and who's marks are higher, we work as a team and support each other
• Instead of 1000 people in your average Psych class, each class has about 20 people, and it's usually the same 20 people you share your classes with because the program only has 50 people in it.
• The professors are as diverse as the students...each is interested in something unique, and they are all either conducting their own research studies or just finished one and are all very awesome
• We have awesome Council, and so many opportunities to get involved within the various boards

I could go on and on. I really do love my program, more than I ever thought. The classmates are great, the faculty are great, the courses inspire me and the atmosphere is so what I need in life right now. It's a course on helping others, but helping myself too. Learning about mindfulness and the power of self-care first. It's an awesome program, and I wish I could share it with people.

I'm so glad I stuck it out and made it here. So glad.

First day.

First day today.

It felt so good being back, honestly. School is where I belong. I think I'm going to just be a professional student as long as I can. I love everything about where I am right now in life. Getting into the Social Work program worried me, but now that I'm in it I couldn't be happier. Since the program is hard to get into, I know the people in it now are people on the same page as me. People who want to strive hard and get good marks and help others and feed off each others thoughts. I'm sick of classmates who think F's are cool and skipping is ideal.

I finally feel like I'm surrounded by classmates I can rely on, and learn from...not to mention my program of 40 people (that's right, 20 people per class) forces us all to work closely with each other and form close friendships. I like that my program is so tight-knit and collaborative. I love that my profs would prefer discussions and real-life stories and experiences instead of facts, theories and dates.

I made the right choice. And I couldn't be happier.

Seasons are a changin'

This month is all about new experiences.

I finally moved all the big stuff into my new place, all that's left is clothes etc.

I actually love my little place. It's not big, it's not "totally amazing" but for where I'm at in my life right now it's nothing short of perfect. I'll put pictures up soon. Still lots of little things to do to make it "homey" like putting pictures up, flowers in my room, a rug of sorts, and some more seating for guests even though the leather sectional my housemate gave me is pretty fantastic.

Also starting a new program at school, sort of. I've been taking the pre-requisities for it through First and Second Year - but I am now officially in the Graduate Honours Social Work program at King's. 200 people apply, only 40 get in. And some apply many times. So I feel priviledged to have gotten in first try. And I'm going to work my butt off to excel in this program, because it just feels right.

And finally getting my mind focused on fitness. I've dabbled in it here and there and have spent the last couple years learning as much as I can. But now I'm ready. Now I'm committed. I have been struggling to cope with asthma holding me back but have adapted things to work for what I can handle - I can do sprints, stair running, plyometrics and weight lifting. And it works wonderfully. I'm eating so much more and so much better finally too, and I feel great.

In other news, I'm also cutting down on coffee thanks to Timmies upping their prices... I'm glad they did, because now I have to remind myself there's healthier ways to wake myself up. A jog, a nice glass of cold water, and a delicious breakfast.

This summer i've learned so much about myself and what I want in life, I feel on top of things finally. And I know it's time to make it happen. I'm young, I'm healthier than ever, and in my prime. It's time to shine baby. The seasons are changin, now its time for me to follow suit.

Vision board

Last night I didn't wanna just go home and lounge around, so I decided to finally sit down and do my vision board..with Mom's help of course. Google it if you don't know what it is. I'm pretty happy with how it turned out (pictures up later) but I realized one thing....

I have way too many goals and ambitions. Which isn't necessarily a bad thing, just means my life will be full of changes and constant learning. You'd be amazed what you learn when you sit and think of what you want in your life, it's actually really motivating.

Finally a summer day!

First off - I can't believe we've had two days in a row of warm, sunny weather. I forgot how good a nice sunny day feels, mmm..

Well, as July winds up ( I seriously can't believe its over already...) I can't help but start to get a bit excited. The countdown begins. 30 days till a new place, a new experience, a new Kate. I've never lived on my own before...I'm a little nervous, and worried about being lonely...but honestly, I think I'll be too busy during school for it to effect me THAT much. Plus I know good friends will always be around, and family of course.

It's been a great summer so far. I remember last year the last week in August everybody was saying "man, I didn't even enjoy this summer and its over already" so I vowed from then on to make the best of this summer. And enjoy it so far, I have. So many outings to farms, markets, different towns, festivals, fishing galore, hiking, photography outings, so much time with friends and family, and quite a few trips to the beach. Despite the dull, dreary weather I think I'm pretty satisfied with summer so far.

Off to Ribfest I go! Mmmm. The last festival of the season I believe.

New beginnings

Years ago I had an online journal and I loved it, just to vent, and have friends occassionally check in to see what was new and see what cards life dealt me that day. I took a long break from it, probably about four years due to lack of interest, but I'm back and better than ever. I've been re-ignited with a passion I haven't felt in years... I missed writing, and photography, and the simpler things in life like fresh-from-the-farm produce, and hikes on breezy summer days. For the past few years I've been caught up in deadlines and relationships that although maybe emotionally draining, made me grow up and realize things about myself I had never noticed before.

So here I am, back in action. And excited for what the rest of this year will bring my way. Many big changes to come, and they'll all be documented in this little blog.

Love,
Kate